


Only Human

by HumsHappily



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, implied Johnlock love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9152656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumsHappily/pseuds/HumsHappily
Summary: After the note. After the aquarium. After too many drinks, and too long waiting.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has Season Four Spoilers. This fic is not a fix it, feel good fic.  
> Don't like, don't read, have a little angst with your dinner, don't blame me if you get spoiled.

“Miss me?” The screens went black, stunned people below not moving for several long moments.

**

"Are you  _tweeting_ right now?"

"No."

"It certainly looks like it!" 

**

“Basically, your plan is to sit there and solve crimes?”

“Yes.”

**

“Get an ambulance.”

“Mary!”

“John.”

“John I think this is it.”

“Look after Rosie. Promise. Promise.”

“Sherlock, I like you. Did I ever say?”

“Yes, yes you did.”

“I’m sorry for shooting you that time. I’m really sorry.”

“You were my whole world. Being Mary Watson..Was the only life worth living. Thank you.”

Everyone paused at the noise emanating from John Watson after Mary's chest slowed, the sound low, inhuman, guttural rage and injury bouncing off the glass of the tanks surrounding them. Sherlock took a half step forward, only to freeze as John lifted his head, eyes focusing on the man.  

“Don’t you _dare_. You made a vow. You swore.”

**

“You need to remember that, so...I’m giving you a case, Sherlock. Might be the hardest case of your career. If I’m gone...when I’m gone…”

**

“Hi.”

“Just wondered how things were going. If there was anything I could do.”

“ It’s from John. You don’t need to read it now. I’m sorry, Sherlock. He says...if you were to come round, asking after him, offering to help.” Molly hesitated, gently rocking the child in her arms.

“Yes?”

He said...he’d rather have anyone but you. Anyone...” Molly turned away, shutting the door.

**

“I’m giving you a case, Sherlock. If I’m gone, when I’m gone. I need you to do something for me. Save John Watson. Save him, Sherlock. Save him.”

 

**

 _When does the path we walk on,_  
_lock around our feet. When does the road become a river,_  
_with only one destination? Death waits for us all in Samara,_  
_but can Samara be avoided?_

**

  
“Go to hell, Sherlock.” Mary gave a last smile as the screen went black.

**

“John.”

“Didn’t you read the letter?”

“Didn’t need to.”

“Go to hell, Sherlock.”

“That’s what Mary said.”

John halted, and slowly turned, eyes hard. “What did you just say?”

“That’s what Mary said. She left her own letter. Of sorts.” Sherlock looked him over. “Why won’t you see me?”

“You made a vow.”

“So did you. And who was E then, John? Not exactly breaking your vows if you’re only talking, is it? It was only talking, wasn’t it? I assume so, but then, you’ve been better than most at hiding things from me. ”

“How did you-never mind that.” John snarled, and a passerby hurried quickly away, leaving them alone on the sidewalk, the street lights flickering. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare put that on me.”

“Why not?” Sherlock gave him a calm look, examining him. “Isn’t it true?”

“Why not? Why bloody not?” John advanced quickly, shoving Sherlock back. “Go away from me. Leave me alone, leave my daughter alone, don’t ever say Mary’s name again! You didn’t deserve to know her, Sherlock.”

Sherlock stumbled back, watching him. “Will you hit me again, John?” he asked, voice soft and mechanic. “Is violence always your answer?” He gestured just slightly to his eye.

John paused, fisted hand trembling. “You made a vow. You swore. You said you’d protect her if she came home, came back to London!”

“John.”

“What, Sherlock? What could you possibly say now?”

“John. I tried. I protected her. I found the person that betrayed her.”

“And she’s still dead!”

“John.”

“No, Sherlock! Nothing you have to say will be good enough. No tricks, or smart little plays will make this better.” John spun on one heel, stalking off.

“John! John, please!”

“Oh, the great Sherlock Holmes says please does he? Fuck off!” John rolled his shoulders, jacket pockets clinking.

“John, I’m only human!”

John froze in place. “Say that again.”

“I’m only human,” Sherlock said quietly. “John. Please.”

“Sherlock…...I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because Mary wouldn’t-”

“Mary wanted you to be happy. She always told me so.”

“Don’t say her name.”

“John.”

“You think it’s your job, Sherlock? To keep me happy?”

“Mary-”

“I said stop saying her name!” John roared, turning and lunging at Sherlock. Sherlock moved, catching him before he fell, before he could land a punch. “Don’t say her name,” John whispered, pushing at him. “Don’t.”

“I won’t,” Sherlock replied, holding him up and away. “But you have to stop this. And you have to stop the drinking. Rosie needs you now.”

“Rosie has all the rest of you to look after her. It was always Mary who’d get up in the night with her. I keep expecting it to be Mary.”

“And it’s not.”

John made a noise, inhuman and strangled, clutching at Sherlock’s coat.

“I vowed to protect more than Mary,” Sherlock said, breath catching. “John. I vowed to protect you. I swore. Let me do that now. Please, John. John. I…I lo-”

“Sherlock, stop. Stop, I can’t hear it right now.”

Sherlock nodded, the words caught and clogged in his throat, supporting John. “Let’s go home. Molly is watching the baby. You came here for a reason. You needed this place.”

John only nodded, letting Sherlock half drag him along, up the steps and through the door to Baker Street.

Sherlock got him onto the couch once they made it up to the flat, John passing out as soon as his head hit the pillow. Sherlock carefully slipped his shoes off, and then sat in his chair, watching.

 

_[Careful, brother mine. MH]_

_[It’s far too late for caution. Piss off, Mycroft. SH]_  
  
_[Sherrinford is aware. MH]_

Sherlock set the phone aside without responding, steepling his fingers as the clock ticked, hands jammed at a time that didn’t matter anymore.

 

**

“You fail to connect actions to their consequences.”

“She’s my friend. She’s under my protection.”

“Save him, Sherlock.”

“You made a vow.”

**

 

Sherlock jolted from sleep at the sound of a small sob, immediately going to his knees beside the couch.

John’s eyes flashed open, and he choked back a cry. “She’s gone, isn’t she?” he asked mechanically. “And I sent her to you. I sent her to the aquarium before me.”

“John, you couldn’t have known, it’s my-”

“It’s not. It’s not your fault but if I could blame you, if I could make this all about you, then it would go away.”

“It won’t. And it won’t bring her back. People don’t come back, John.”

“You did, Sherlock,” John said weakly.

“I was a special case.”

“Say it again, Sherlock.”

Sherlock paused, narrowing his eyes as he looked at John. “Say it? Say what?”

“What you said before.” John slowly sat up, looking down at Sherlock.

“John, I don’t understand, I-”

“Sherlock. Think.”

Sherlock hesitated for a long moment, and then looked up, meeting John’s eyes. “I...I’m only human, John.”

“Aren’t we all?” John gave a small laugh, almost bitter, and then leaned down. “What else did I stop you from saying?”

“I’m not sure I should say any longer,” Sherlock murmured, and the room went silent except for their breaths.

John finally shook his head. “No. You’re probably right. But do it anyway.”

“John. At your wedding, when you made vows...I made them too,” Sherlock looked down, wetting his lips. “I vowed to protect Mary. Vowed to protect you. Swore to make sure you both were happy. Healthy. To the very best of my ability. And I failed in those vows. Broke those promises that I made to Mary then, but I will keep ones that I made later to her.”

“To keep me safe?” John asked quietly.

“No, John.” Sherlock looked up, catching his gaze. “She told me to save you.”

John opened his mouth to reply, and then closed it and his eyes, taking a breath through his nose, clenching his fists where they rest on his thighs. “Sherlock...you did that years ago,” he admitted, opening his eyes again. “Years ago.” He wet his lips, catching the skin between his teeth as he looked at Sherlock.

Sherlock tilted his head slightly. “John. You are my friend. My...best friend. What I should have said, should have told you years ago..I-”

“Sherlock. Don’t.” John cupped a hand around his cheek. “Don’t,” he repeated, a bit quieter. “I changed my mind. Don’t say it now.”

“Then when, John?”

“I don’t know.” John let his hand drop. “I’m going home.” He stood up, slipping his shoes on, and stumbling away.

“John. This is home,” Sherlock said softly, looking at him as he opened the door.

John paused, illuminated only by the stairway light. “Maybe once.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, find me [here](http://hums-happily.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.  
> Any notification of errors are accepted with gratefulness that knows no bounds.  
> Kudos, comments, and your happy (pained) flailing are accepted with glee. I hope you enjoyed!  
> 


End file.
